Clausian Apologetics
Here are a short list of common questions the Greater Clausian church is requested to answer. If you have any other questions about the Greater Clausian faith, please feel free to email your questons. They will be answered as promptly as can be managed. Send all queries to greaterclausians - AT - arcticmail.com.
"You've stated that Naughty people get 'reminders', don't they get coal?"
Well, years ago coal was a primary form a fuel for many people. Giving a child coal gave them something of little value to themselves, but that still had purpose to the family. These days Santa will often leave kindling, butane lighters, or small propane tanks. The message is simple, even if you've been naughty, Santa won't leave you in the cold. (Note: If no combustible material is appropriate, Santa will often leave a gift that has no value to the receiver. For example, I often received nasty anise flavored rock candy. I hated it, so I gave it away, putting me firmly on the path to Niceness for next year.)
"Isn't Christmas a Christian holiday? Look, they start with the same letters."This is a vicious and unfounded rumor. The Christians stole our most holy of days in an attempt to subvert the Clausian adherents to worship their blood god. They have a long history of this behavior. In fact, they have attempted to adopt all of the Clausian holidays. Some amongst us have chosen to call the holiday XMas to distance us from their beliefs, but the Greater Clausian church rejects this as a failure of our faith.
"How do Clausians view sex? Is it Naughty?"
Children are the most important thing to Santa Claus, it's their magic that makes Santa's great works possible. And sex, especially sex in a loving relationship is the best way to make more children. Furthermore, sex between consenting adults, done properly, brings joy to both partners. So, sex is Nice. Very, very Nice.
"Is the Tooth Fairy real?"
Not exactly. The Tooth Fairy is a slight misinterpretation of the facts. There are no fairies. However, some elves have been granted the same flight powers as the reindeer. Generally, these are elves that are fairly small, so as to save on the magical power. These elves are assigned to collecting the teeth of children. In compensation, they leave a small amount of money. One shouldn't take from another without giving something back, that's Naughty. Unless it was a gift.
"Okay then, what does the Tooth Fairy, uh, I mean tooth collecting elf do with the teeth, and why?"
A very good question. It is well known that children are magical. Ask any new parent. Much of this magic is harnessed through their belief, but for truly powerful magic you would need a piece of the child. For a long time, there was no Nice way of obtaining that magic, so it was wasted. Then, Santa realized children shed their baby teeth. Thus, elves were assigned to collect them. These teeth are then processed and used to further Santa's good works.
"You've stated that Naughty people get 'reminders', don't they get coal?"
Well, years ago coal was a primary form a fuel for many people. Giving a child coal gave them something of little value to themselves, but that still had purpose to the family. These days Santa will often leave kindling, butane lighters, or small propane tanks. The message is simple, even if you've been naughty, Santa won't leave you in the cold. (Note: If no combustible material is appropriate, Santa will often leave a gift that has no value to the receiver. For example, I often received nasty anise flavored rock candy. I hated it, so I gave it away, putting me firmly on the path to Niceness for next year.)
"Isn't Christmas a Christian holiday? Look, they start with the same letters."This is a vicious and unfounded rumor. The Christians stole our most holy of days in an attempt to subvert the Clausian adherents to worship their blood god. They have a long history of this behavior. In fact, they have attempted to adopt all of the Clausian holidays. Some amongst us have chosen to call the holiday XMas to distance us from their beliefs, but the Greater Clausian church rejects this as a failure of our faith.
"How do Clausians view sex? Is it Naughty?"
Children are the most important thing to Santa Claus, it's their magic that makes Santa's great works possible. And sex, especially sex in a loving relationship is the best way to make more children. Furthermore, sex between consenting adults, done properly, brings joy to both partners. So, sex is Nice. Very, very Nice.
"Is the Tooth Fairy real?"
Not exactly. The Tooth Fairy is a slight misinterpretation of the facts. There are no fairies. However, some elves have been granted the same flight powers as the reindeer. Generally, these are elves that are fairly small, so as to save on the magical power. These elves are assigned to collecting the teeth of children. In compensation, they leave a small amount of money. One shouldn't take from another without giving something back, that's Naughty. Unless it was a gift.
"Okay then, what does the Tooth Fairy, uh, I mean tooth collecting elf do with the teeth, and why?"
A very good question. It is well known that children are magical. Ask any new parent. Much of this magic is harnessed through their belief, but for truly powerful magic you would need a piece of the child. For a long time, there was no Nice way of obtaining that magic, so it was wasted. Then, Santa realized children shed their baby teeth. Thus, elves were assigned to collect them. These teeth are then processed and used to further Santa's good works.
Glintir |
9/20/2005 04:11:00 PM |
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